Does milk go in the tea first or last? Do you put pinkies up or pinkies down? These are some common questions when experiencing a proper afternoon tea service. Afternoon Tea began as a social gathering around the 1840s in England. This ritual came with some “rules” on how one should conduct themselves during this type of tea time. Proper etiquette is important as it is a sign of respect to the host and the rest of the guests at afternoon tea. If you’re heading to a tea party, be sure to brush up on this list of afternoon tea etiquette beforehand so you can avoid committing any faux pas.
The Do’s & Don’ts of Afternoon Tea Etiquette
This list of “rules” highlights Afternoon Tea terminology, dress code, tea, food, napkins and overall experiences.
Terminology
Do:
Call it “afternoon tea” or simply “tea”.
Don’t:
Call it “high tea”. It’s not the same thing. In fact, the two are very different. See more about the difference between high tea and afternoon tea here.
Attire/Dress Code
Do:
Dress appropriately. Suits and fancy dresses are not necessary, but afternoon tea should still remain formal in a way. The dress code these days is “smart casual”.
It may differ depending on the venue, so always be sure to check before attending. Make sure you feel great and bust out that fascinator if you want!
Don’t:
Wear ripped jeans, short shirts/shorts/dresses, scuffed shoes/sneakers, etc.
Tea
Do:
Assign one guest to pour tea for everyone at the table. Use a tea strainer if needed and fill the teacups up to three quarters of the way.
Don’t:
Serve yourself first (especially if you’re the host!) or overfill the teacups. You want to make sure to leave room to allow your guests to add milk, lemon or sweetener to their tea if desired.
Do:
Pour tea into an empty tea cup.
Don’t:
Add milk before adding tea to a tea cup. Milk used to be added to teacups prior to the hot tea to prevent potential cracking in the delicate cups. But since then, tougher porcelain has been made.
Also, not every guest drinks tea with milk, and adding the tea first gives the drinker the option of adding milk or not.
Do:
Stir the tea with a teaspoon up and down (6 o’clock to 12 o’clock motion), 2-3 times silently. Then set the teaspoon on the right hand side of the saucer.
Don’t:
Leave the teaspoon in your teacup or stir the tea in a circular motion, banging the teaspoon inside the teacup. This will create a lot of noise and possibly damage the delicate cup.
Do:
Hold the teacup by meeting your thumb and index finger in the handle and resting your middle finger under it.
Don’t:
Hook your finger through the handle or stick your pinky out. That’s a common mistake as most assume it’s being fancy. But, pinkies out is not acceptable because it’s very pretentious.
Do:
Sit up straight and enjoy your tea elegantly, sip by sip.
Don’t:
Be loud and gulp or slurp your tea. Slurping your tea is necessary if you’re a professional tea taster, but definitely not at an afternoon tea setting.
Food
Do:
Eat the savouries and tea sandwiches first, followed by the scones and then the sweets. Use your fingers, too. After all, afternoon tea is all finger foods!
Don’t:
Use cutlery or be tempted to eat the sweet course first.
Scones
Do:
Break the scone in half by hand and eat each half separately or enjoy by breaking off bite-sized chunks.
Don’t:
Cut the scone with a knife or just take bites out of the whole thing.
Do:
Spread the jam and clotted cream on each half, using a knife. The order is all about your preferences. Add the cream first, and then the jam (the Devon way) or add the jam first and then the cream (the Cornish way).
What kind of jam should you use? Strawberry jam is traditional for scones, but you don’t have to limit yourself. Scones are delicious with blueberry, apricot, raspberry jam and more!
Don’t:
Sandwich the halves back together afterwards or dunk the scone in your tea.
Napkins
Do:
Always place the napkin to the left of the plate, with the open edge to the right.
Don’t:
Leave your napkin on your chair when excusing yourself from the table.
Overall
Do:
Relax and enjoy your afternoon tea experience.
Don’t:
Focus too much on all the rules. The occasional blunder is fine and all will be forgiven.
Heading out for tea? Pin this helpful afternoon tea etiquette post for later here –> http://bit.ly/2XDs6b6
If you have another afternoon tea etiquette tip, share it with us in the comments below!
Quite right! However, I don’t object to someone hooking their finger through the handle–as long as they don’t stick their pinky out! 😀 Many people have arthritis or other issues with their hands and cannot hold a cup in the prescribed manner.
Good point! Some rules can be broken for good reasons 🙂
Trying to wear Chinese classical Chinese clothes to go to elegant tea is a good choice.
I would LOVE love love for you to share your scone recipe! Oh! Please do!
I’m a tea-loving American—I just, now, learned from the previous article that I’ve been enjoying Afternoon Tea all this time. Ha ha I’m not opposed to the pinky out or fingers through; I just want my guests to relax and enjoy the company of those present.
Relaxing and enjoying company at afternoon tea is very important!! 🙂
I have a question for you. I’ve been debating on getting a teapot warming plate when we meet as a smaller group. They are actually sold for coffee mug warming, but I thought it to be a good option since I doesn’t seem to damage a porcelain cup. It stands to reason it won’t damage a teapot, but I’d like to know what you think. I could get an electric teapot, but I want to use my Old Country Roses, my Summer Chintz by Johnson Brothers, and my Noritake little gold teapot. (When It’s just family, I’ll take a hot tea kettle on the stove. 😂 Though my precious niece does have an electric teapot.)
I have not used a warming plate with a porcelain teapot before. I have used glass teapot warmers though that use tealight candles. But again, not for porcelain, just glass. Another option is that you could use a tea kettle and just wait for the moment it is time to servee tea to fill the teapots with the hot water. It would definitely be nice to able to use your lovely porcelain teapots!
Thanks for your advice. I didn’t risk damaging my teapots with warming devices. It turned out not to be a problem at all. The tea in the teapots went so quickly and new tea made to fill the pot, that it wasn’t even a worry. I used an electric decanter to keep water hot and ready to fill the teapots. I, also, had plenty of different teas available for individual cups of tea..
Of eighteen guests that RSVP’d, twelve actually came on the day of the Afternoon Tea at my house. (Sickness kept the rest away.) It was a perfectly lovely time!
This Saturday, I’m hosting one for my granddaughters—age 2 (almost 3) and age 5. I’ll have six little girls with a buffet of chicken nuggets, pb&j, and other kid friendly foods and treats. Ha ha I can’t wait!
This is a bit of a late reply but do you know what temperature your teapots were fired at? Real porcelain generally is a high fire ceramic (generally cone 6-9 meaning it has withstood and been strengthened by temperatures of 2200-2300 F)and as such should be able to handle warming devices with little issue. If it is a particularly old piece I would avoid warmers but only because many porcelains can get a bit brittle with age. If it is a new piece I would contact the manufacturer and check the firing temperature and more importantly what kind of glaze it has (some glazes can leech toxins upon reheating or destabilize, which is the main worry with reheating ceramics not explicitly labelled “oven safe”). However, if it is something high end and manufactured in a so-called “global north” country the glazes should (big should) be stable and safe even upon reheating (I’d be a bit wary of reds and blues and the glaze really should be stable, but cadmium poisoning is also no joke). It’s been a few years but I was a former studio potter and I still frequently stick some of my hand-made porcelain plates in the oven to reheat things and I have on a number of occasions heated things in handmade porcelain cups over open flame with no issue at all (obviously still avoid rapid heating or cooling as you would with glass).
I’ve just found your wonderful website! I’ve known about the differences between Afternoon Tea and High Tea for quite some time, being a Victorian enthusiast living here in the U.S.
I’m hosting a Mother’s Day Afternoon Tea and wondering how I can gently request my guests to NOT wear shorts, t-shirts or other very casual clothes. All the foods/teas and my Limoges china, etc. for the event are important, but I would like to carry out the beautiful setting by having my guests appropriately dressed.
Any suggestions how to word the invitation?
Hi Kaye, I would suggest adding on your invites that the dress code is semi-formal or even “dress to impress” depending how fancy you’d like them to be. I hope you have a lovely afternoon tea event! 🙂
I concur with Luann! If you’ve already sent out invitations, it’s perfectly fine to text or call your guests to “remind” them that it is an “Afternoon Tea,” and you’d love for them to dress up for the occasion.
Of course I also concur…’dressing up for the occasion’ is what I have in mind. 😊 However, most of the people I’ve invited have very different ideas of “dress up”. I suspect I may be the only one wearing a tea dress, hat and gloves. I’ll probably be laughed at a bit (oh well….) but I’m hoping the images I sent with my dress (via email) will help nudge them along the way to my idea of “dressing up’. 🥰
For afternoon tea, Is it proper to place a variety of items from the “sandwich “ course on your plate to enjoy before moving on to the “scone” course, and so on?
Hi Tina, The tea sandwiches should be enjoyed one by one, off the 3 tier stand. I like to start with the lightest fillings tea sandwiches and then move onto heavier filled ones.
Hi,
Can you please explain what a tea kettle is, or why someone would use a warming plate for their teapot. I am English and these are things that we just do not use here as far as I am aware.. The correct procedure (English) for making a pot of tea is to heat the kettle and pour some hot water into the teapot to warm it, then drain the water and finish boiling the kettle. Always take the teapot to the kettle and then fill the teapot with boiling water – never put the tea and boiling water into a cold teapot. Leave the tea to brew for up to 5 minutes, depending on the strength. If you continually heat the teapot on a warming plate then the tea will stew and not taste very nice for a second cup of tea
Scones with clotted cream are delicious and that is really an essential as the cream has a certain taste and texture which you cannot get from any other kind of cream
I’m an American who loves all things British. I regularly host proper English afternoon teas and enjoy “teaching” my guests proper tea etiquette. Your explanations are great for condensing that information. Thanks! I also wondered if you know the proper way to handle lemon slices. Do you think a fork, tongs or fingers are the correct solution?
I have a strainer etiquette question! If the kettle has loose leaf tea inside, and you are using a strainer over the cup to pour the tea, what do you do with the leaves? Do you empty the strainer between cups, or at the end?
Thanks!
That’s a great question! I empty it at the end because usually the strainer is never really full. Depending on the teapot (some have built in filters), only a few leaves escape when pouring a small cup. However, it would be best to have the loose leaf tea in an infuser basket or removable filter of some sort. This way the leaves can easily be removed so they do not oversteep.
Thank you! That helps a lot. Great suggestion.